I know about the Wilhelm Scream  but is there a Wilhelm Whiny? #TooManyCowboyMovies

I could only hope to look this good

Recently I watched an educational filmstrip about insurance adjusting called "The Thomas Crown Affair". It plays as a metaphor for how hard it was in the olden days to get by on just four (4!) millions.

He is totally innocent -- rich people have no reason to steal.

The heroes of this teleplay really are the hard working men who came together against a few odds (fucking Erwin) and got the job done. IT'S CALLED TEAMWORK PEOPLE.

PARIS IS BORING

The film also sounds a cautionary note about climate change and not paying for an architect.

IT IS ALL ABOUT SIGHTLINES

Why she didn't end up cutting a bitch I will never know. DON'T PUT YOUR LABELS ON ME, EDDIE.

It must be Sadie Hawkin's Day 'cause she's gonna molest the f@ck outta that bishop...

...told you.

I give this presentation 5 tank engines.

Yes, crows ARE "Halloween eagles". 

The Night of the Hunter was a Back-When-America-Was-Great-Again documentary about owls. It stars The Cologne Guy and the mother from Silence of the Hams.

Watch your kerning.

I know, how do you have starring roles in a documentary that is ridiculous because HOLLLYWOOD THAT'S WHY STAR SYSTEM!

A sub plot is about the trials and tribulations of

Nope

an itinerant preacher who is just as qualified as Franklin Graham to pontificate on what the bearded sky man wants or doesn't want for anyone.

two corinthians, bitches

There was also something about ice cream? A shop of some kind? Also: labor laws and why we need unions.

Incarnate Evil (left), and the Reverend Harry Powell (right)

Not pictured: any discussion of comprehensive sex education.

Seriously

I give this movie 3.14 Them Apples

#TwitterHatTrick: getting 3 people you follow to like 3 of your tweets in one day.

History is super judgy.

I am my dog's emotional support animal #LawnMower