I'm a web developer/sysadmin/host (NERD TRIPLE THREAT!) and this is my attempt to write about...leaving the house. Sometimes. Like, to go backpacking. And take some pictures. And justify spending the money on all the gear WHY SO MUCH?!?

So check back weekly for all the smrt missives! And the dumb tweets!

Also hiking things!

Feel free to write and complain.

it goes to
22 August 2018

Ocean's 11 was a movie made in 1960 about the GI Bill. For some reason it starred a bunch of singers and entertainers and......Peter Lawford?

Dress for the job you want

Frank SInatra plays the partial title character of Danny 11, a washed up sweater model who is longing for the action of opening and closing doors in a building.

Dress for the job you have

Dean Martin plays Dean Martin's mother and you just know he's hitting that HARD

They cause what now?

The plot revolves around the wacky hijinks these wonderful scamps get up to on their way to a funeral


All told, this movie was quite the flight of fancy because there is actually no possible way a casino could ever lose money.

I give this film 6 pinky rings.

Odds are only one of us goes down for this....

15 August 2018

I know about the Wilhelm Scream  but is there a Wilhelm Whiny? #TooManyCowboyMovies

on point
8 August 2018

I could only hope to look this good

know yourself
1 August 2018

Recently I watched an educational filmstrip about insurance adjusting called "The Thomas Crown Affair". It plays as a metaphor for how hard it was in the olden days to get by on just four (4!) millions.

He is totally innocent -- rich people have no reason to steal.

The heroes of this teleplay really are the hard working men who came together against a few odds (fucking Erwin) and got the job done. IT'S CALLED TEAMWORK PEOPLE.


The film also sounds a cautionary note about climate change and not paying for an architect.


Why she didn't end up cutting a bitch I will never know. DON'T PUT YOUR LABELS ON ME, EDDIE.

It must be Sadie Hawkin's Day 'cause she's gonna molest the f@ck outta that bishop...

...told you.

I give this presentation 5 tank engines.

25 July 2018

Yes, crows ARE "Halloween eagles". 

lactose intolerant
18 July 2018

The Night of the Hunter was a Back-When-America-Was-Great-Again documentary about owls. It stars The Cologne Guy and the mother from Silence of the Hams.

Watch your kerning.

I know, how do you have starring roles in a documentary that is ridiculous because HOLLLYWOOD THAT'S WHY STAR SYSTEM!

A sub plot is about the trials and tribulations of


an itinerant preacher who is just as qualified as Franklin Graham to pontificate on what the bearded sky man wants or doesn't want for anyone.

two corinthians, bitches

There was also something about ice cream? A shop of some kind? Also: labor laws and why we need unions.

Incarnate Evil (left), and the Reverend Harry Powell (right)

Not pictured: any discussion of comprehensive sex education.


I give this movie 3.14 Them Apples

11 July 2018

#TwitterHatTrick: getting 3 people you follow to like 3 of your tweets in one day.

home of the knave
4 July 2018

History is super judgy.