I'm a web developer/sysadmin/host (NERD TRIPLE THREAT!) and this is my attempt to write about...leaving the house. Sometimes. Like, to go backpacking. And take some pictures. And justify spending the money on all the gear WHY SO MUCH?!?

So check back weekly for all the smrt missives! And the dumb tweets!

Also hiking things!

Feel free to write and complain.

know yourself
1 August 2018

Recently I watched an educational filmstrip about insurance adjusting called "The Thomas Crown Affair". It plays as a metaphor for how hard it was in the olden days to get by on just four (4!) millions.

He is totally innocent -- rich people have no reason to steal.

The heroes of this teleplay really are the hard working men who came together against a few odds (fucking Erwin) and got the job done. IT'S CALLED TEAMWORK PEOPLE.


The film also sounds a cautionary note about climate change and not paying for an architect.


Why she didn't end up cutting a bitch I will never know. DON'T PUT YOUR LABELS ON ME, EDDIE.

It must be Sadie Hawkin's Day 'cause she's gonna molest the f@ck outta that bishop...

...told you.

I give this presentation 5 tank engines.

25 July 2018

Yes, crows ARE "Halloween eagles". 

lactose intolerant
18 July 2018

The Night of the Hunter was a Back-When-America-Was-Great-Again documentary about owls. It stars The Cologne Guy and the mother from Silence of the Hams.

Watch your kerning.

I know, how do you have starring roles in a documentary that is ridiculous because HOLLLYWOOD THAT'S WHY STAR SYSTEM!

A sub plot is about the trials and tribulations of


an itinerant preacher who is just as qualified as Franklin Graham to pontificate on what the bearded sky man wants or doesn't want for anyone.

two corinthians, bitches

There was also something about ice cream? A shop of some kind? Also: labor laws and why we need unions.

Incarnate Evil (left), and the Reverend Harry Powell (right)

Not pictured: any discussion of comprehensive sex education.


I give this movie 3.14 Them Apples

withering heights
25 April 2018

Vertigo was a 1958 After School Special about the Dangers of Laziness. It was originally titled "It's a Wonderful Ledge", but that was deemed too on-the-nose.

This is some heavy foreshadowing....COCK-EYED TITS ON THE HORIZON

This is definitely Midge's movie. She had JohnnieO pegged as a lazy-ass dope from the jump (that may be in bad taste but I'll allow it). I don't know what the prescription on those glasses is, but she sees through him like a household glass hole (you know, for light). (WINDOW that's the word. Household glass WINDOW).

Drafting table....glasses....wry sarcI'M NOT HOT IN HERE YOU'RE HOT IN HERE

This movie also has meaning for our Very Important Modern Times. Old-timey James Comey made sure we all knew how bad Johnnie was at...any job, really. He couldn't keep up with a flat foot cop with a massive gunbelt or a blonde in 3 inch heels running up stairs. He also had the curiousity and intellectual rigor of a bag of wet turnips.


And evidently doctors would talk to anyone about anything. Here is Dr Frank HIPAA (no relation) realizing that Midge knows more about the human condition than his blue shirt ever will.

At least everything worked out in the end.

You're cured!

And Midge? She went on to found the Blue Moon Detective Agency and solve a few crimes and NEVER HAVE TO DEAL WITH OVERWROUGHT MAN-BABIES EVER AGAIN!

dragon daughter
22 November 2017


Just make the show about her and it's much better. #IronFish

20 September 2017

He chose to keep my sister in a laundry hamper THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE THAT'S WHAT IT IS

Choice has always been important to my dad.

He chose a Jaguar to drive because it's easy for a 91 year old to manage.

He chose to live in Sarasota because it's warm and beautiful and calm.

He chose to leave his home because we asked him to. HURRICANE == BAD.

He chose to turn around because he was tired and hangry.

He chose to go home and ride out the storm.

He chose to say "I love you" at the end of every call. He still does.

This is part two of my nit-picky Review of North by Northwest. This part seems to consist of seeing how clean his white shirt can be.

Like Uber, but for people.

This movie didn't invent Overly Complicated Death Plots, but it seems to have set the gold standard.

Way to stick the landing, Nadya.

They never pick the right one on House Hunters.

Condor is a cool code name, right?

This is what's known as a metaphor.

This all happened because he kept swiping cabs.

Now for another Nit-picky Review of North by Northwest (the first hour I've watched so far THE WIFE DOESN'T LIKE MY MOVIES).

Gonna have to wait a while to tap anything at this table.

What trips me up so far is why go straight to offing the guy when asking politely doesn't work? Are you trying to say Martin Landau can't do torture? HAVE YOU SEEN B*A*P*S?!?!

I do have to admit though it was nice to see a Woman of a Certain Age having a prominent-ish role at the CIA's Good Luck Chuck table.

Who the hell is Jason Bourne?

In the next post I'll talk about the rest of the movie (or whatever I can get through before dinner time).

This is known as "foreshadowing"