I'm a web developer/sysadmin/host (NERD TRIPLE THREAT!) and this is my attempt to write about...leaving the house. Sometimes. Like, to go backpacking. And take some pictures. And justify spending the money on all the gear WHY SO MUCH?!?

So check back weekly for all the smrt missives! And the dumb tweets!

Also hiking things!

Feel free to write and complain.

a nice run
9 November 2016

Well, shit.

2 November 2016

Nit-picky Review of Frost/Nixon!

This is a Republican cloth tuxedo!

Diane Sawyer was absolutely no help at all.

Caitlyn is a nice name...

17 August 2016

Another Incredibly Nit-picky review -- this time it's Män som hatar kvinnor (figure it out)!

Män som hatar kvinnor

That is EXACTLY what that's for

This was a delightful coming of age story about a girl and her guardia-WHAT THE FUCK?!? NOW IT'S CADDYSHACK?

Playing through....

The Swedish version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (see? I knew you'd get it) was much better than the James Bond version. I imagine I could have watched with subtitles off and would have still been able to follow the story (so much reading). But one thing bothered me -- why didn't Henrik recognize his nephew in the enlarged photo from the parade? HE WAS TOTALLY WEARING THE SWEATER HE GAVE HIM LIKE FOR CHRISTMAS OR KRAMPUS OR WHATEVER. 


I give this flick 5 Ikea meatballs.

double indumbnity
6 July 2016

What the hell is gluten?

In this Incredibly Nit-picky review, it's the pipe smoking uber-dad and that lady who wore leather breeches and owned California in Double Indemnity!

So Super Smart Insurance Fella figures that by dragging and dropping a guy on to the tracks means MASTER PLAN COMPLETE NO PROBLEM-O? Really? Even though it's CSI:1938, couldn't he at least have rumpled the man's suit? Put grease on his face? WHAT ABOUT THE BOUNCE MARKS AND MURDER SMELL?

You thought drunk tweeting was bad....

I guess I shouldn't be too hard on the guy. With the benefit of hindsight, it was easy to see that the insurance company would just decide to dick over the little guy by basically saying "we're not paying, go ahead and sue" (who knew they were really just saving us from ne'r-do-wells?).

Then again, Fred did point the Short-tempered Rage-a-holic (known in the movie as the Italian kid) at the only innocent person with the stirring motivational speech "go get her boy, she wants you now!"

THANKS A LOT, ASSHOLE. She will surely enjoy her life of heavy drinking and random beatings. It's a LOVE STORY.

It's like he never saw a film noir before.

I give this picture 4 High-waisted Trousers.

my asshole cat
18 May 2016

I miss her so much.

Gotta go hide and scare the pitbull.

She really was a jerk sometimes. Her favorite was the paw swipe from behind the hallway curtains STOP CAMPING YOU NOOB. But she put up with me picking her up so she could look out the back window. She really had no idea why i did this, but she went along with it and purred away. In cat-speak this was probably meant as "I will kill you LAST".

We picked her up from the pound after my first cat died. Picked her out right off the bat without thinking how she'd fit in with the other pets in the house. MY BAD, but I wouldn't have changed it. She was a jerk but she wasn't mean. She put up with being belled, after all (no sneaky-peteing the other cats). And having to wear the name tag belonging to the cat she wanted to tangle with the most (man, I think I was the jerk here).

and now the torture
27 January 2016

The thing with good writing is that the good stuff hurts. 

old goat
9 July 2014

This is my dog's last day.

She stopped eating, so a last meal seems out of the question. She loved cottage cheese (who knows why). Perhaps it was the lumps. Sure wasn't the flavor.

I didn't seek her out, but she attached to me like... like a dog who lost her best friend and needed a new one. I hope she thinks I was good enough.

Now we sit together on the porch, feeling the breeze one last time. For these next few hours everything will be right until it isn't.

monkey gone to heaven
11 October 2013

My ex-wife has cancer and I have come to say goodbye.

Her dog will be sad and happy and attentive and comforting. He will pee in the yard a lot.

        Her family will envelop her

Her husband will bear the weight with a smile, a quip and a calm understanding. We will see him for who he truly is.

        She will be beautiful and calm

Construction workers will do their level best to ensure we all go together. We will want to convince them that she has made a wish to tear up the sidewalk with a backhoe.

        I will see Santa in the airport, waiting to fly to Phoenix

All of these things happened. All of these things are true.

        We are all very lucky because she made us better